Meltdowns
When things get overwhelming
Meltdowns can look frightening, but they are not the same as tantrums. A meltdown is the nervous system's response to overload, and the child is not choosing it.
What to do
- Stay calm and lower your own voice; your regulation is the anchor.
- Reduce sensory input immediately — dim lights, turn off sounds, move to a quieter space if possible.
- Use fewer words. Short, gentle phrases repeated calmly are easier to process than explanations.
- Wait for the peak to pass before attempting to problem-solve or talk about what happened.
- Offer co-regulation tools the child already knows, such as a weighted blanket, a favourite object, or rhythmic movement.
- After recovery, reconnect warmly without requiring an apology or debrief straight away.
What not to do
- Do not use consequences, time-out, or removal of privileges during or immediately after a meltdown.
- Do not demand eye contact, verbal responses, or rational explanations while the child is dysregulated.
- Do not restrain the child unless there is an immediate safety risk, and only if you have been trained in safe holding.
- Do not dismiss the meltdown as attention-seeking or assume it is within the child's conscious control.
Scripts you can use
The child is in the middle of a meltdown at home after school.
Try saying
"I'm here. You're safe. I'm going to stay with you until this passes."
Avoid saying
"You need to calm down right now" or "Stop screaming, you're fine."
The meltdown happened in a public place and other people are watching.
Try saying
"Let's find a quieter spot. I'm right next to you."
Avoid saying
"Everyone is looking at you" or "You're embarrassing yourself."
After the meltdown has passed and the child is beginning to recover.
Try saying
"That was really hard. Would you like some water or to sit together for a bit?"
Avoid saying
"What was that about?" or "You can't keep doing this."