School and homework
Supporting learning at home
Homework and school-related tasks can become a significant source of conflict at home, particularly when the child has already spent all day managing the demands of the school environment.
What to do
- Build in a decompression period between school and homework — at least 30 to 60 minutes of low-demand, preferred activity.
- Break homework into small, clearly defined chunks with visible progress markers.
- Sit alongside the child rather than leaving them to work independently if they find solo work overwhelming.
- Communicate openly with the school about what is realistic. Many schools will adjust homework expectations with the right information.
- Prioritise the child's wellbeing over homework completion. A distressed child is not learning.
What not to do
- Do not insist homework is completed immediately after school, before the child has had time to decompress.
- Do not use screen time or preferred activities as a reward for completing homework, as this can increase demand avoidance.
- Do not compare the child's output to what they are capable of on a good day ("I know you can do this, you did it yesterday").
- Do not allow homework to damage the parent-child relationship — if it consistently causes distress, raise this with the school.
Scripts you can use
The child refuses to start homework and becomes upset.
Try saying
"It sounds like your brain is tired. Let's take a break first and come back to it in half an hour. We can do it together."
Avoid saying
"Everyone else manages to do their homework" or "You're not doing anything until this is finished."
The child is perfectionist about homework and erases or tears up work repeatedly.
Try saying
"Getting it down on paper is the hardest part. We can always tidy it up afterwards, but the ideas are what matter."
Avoid saying
"Just write something, it doesn't need to be perfect" (which dismisses the genuine distress the child feels).